Editing

Editing

For Eric

Watching you work is like a dance.

Hands floating, mind flying,

vision coming clear with every move.

I see my world in full color

exploding into life in before my eyes.

All the happy, sad, wonderful, lonely,

lovely.

The laughter and the sobs.

But as your mosaic unfolds I watch you clothe the sorrow in laughter,

the dark in light,

the loneliness in friendship.

And I realize,

You've been doing that for me for as long as I've known you.

Editing my world in a way that

accepts the pain and frustration,

and washes away the sting with fellowship and comfort.

Finding for me the brilliance of color

that was there all the way along.

Taking my grey and remastering it.

Sharpening the pictures in my mind.

Telling me how they were,

not how I remember them.

Taking the miserable remnants

of degraded memories

and bringing them to life again.

Do you realize you've been editing my world for nearly 20 years?

Always one step behind me with the camera in your mind,

Or in your hand.

Putting together the pieces that remind me of who I am and where I came from, and even, what I want to be.

So few people know me better than myself.

But you, through your lens on the world,

have captured me.

And now, when I need it most,

you bring it back to me.

Yes, I have loved my dark hair since the first time I dyed it that way.

Yes, I adore reading The Night Before Christmas to my children no matter how old they get.

Yes I pray that Anna goes to college somewhere close enough to us and you to be reachable.

Yes, I'm going to fall apart when she goes, when they all go.

Yes, I want you to get a safer job

that doesn't terrify you and put fear in your heart, and Nicole's, and mine.

Yes, i'm going to live without Andrew just like everyone else, and it's going to SUCK.

And yes, I can come back.

Over and over and over.

So forgive me if I'm gonna love you,

Like I'm gonna lose you.

Because every time I drive away I cry.

But then, you edit in the laughter we've shared over the years,

And I know we can do it all again.

So imagine the soft resolution of music fading out, and just the first strokes of something new

coming in.