Lost

Lost

So I'm sitting just staring at my screen

willing all of this to be a dream

Nothing here real, just passing

No truth to the agony amassing.

I feel so isolated, trapped, alone

desperately don't want to go home

where everyone will be able to see my screaming soul,

know that an end is my only goal.

What I need is exactly what I don't want

People who know to see through my front.

But my flaming anger drives them away

As they sincerely wish me a better day.

But what do I need a better day for?

So a worse one can follow in this endless war?

All I know is hurt and pain,

unbridled speed in a dizzying rain.

Desperate for any sort of control

I reach deep inside and secure my goal:

If I can't be pretty inside my head

I'll make myself pretty outside instead.

At least then there'll be something to like

Some tangible goal within this fight

Some part of myself that isn't broken

To represent all that goes unspoken.

You say I'll break this body of mine?

Then let it reflect my broken mind.

Of all the things I could do to me

Perhaps I can use this to set me free

Because every promise I make leaves me less choices

Every lie I tell leaves me less voices

Every time you don't understand I think

how my cage just shrinks and shrinks.

I am alone with only myself

She isn't good company and she's not any help

Just maybe I can turn her off

and like the weight she can just be lost.