Pastor Texts

Pastor Texts

i wanted to brush you off.

So insecure in these thoughts

i am.

Thinking i can never do them justice

But suddenly i’m talking to you.

And the thoughts i have turned

around and around in my head

that i’m still uncertain of

make me feel naked in front of you.

i’m so sure they’re half formed

uneducated, misunderstood,

that what i’m slowly coming to understand

will be insufficient.

i don’t know why.

You never treat me that way.

But you KNOW the things my heart

longs for without words.

You have those things that i so deeply desire.

i yearn for the security of belief you have.

i fear my own belief is only surface deep.

i look upon those people who live His Word,

i find myself in none of them.

But you are calm and reassuring

and i talk to you

because i can.

i don’t even know what i’m trying to say

so i say it anyway.

Marta says if you don’t know what to say in group

just start talking,

your mind knows the words

your mouth doesn’t.

She’s right.

So i talk and you listen

and somewhere the fear leaves me

and the words find a home.