So

So

"Your only obligation in any lifetime

is to be true to yourself."

• -The Messiah’s Handbook

Look at what I see

The box that has captured me

That's where I can breathe.

It had seemed so tight

Just endless demons to fight

Never ending night

I ranted in vain

I spewed hatred and placed blame

Felt myself restrained

I KNEW it was locked

KNEW what they'd say if I talked

KNEW that I was blocked

But

Strength in anger fails

Only so long can you rail

Till your body flails.

In exhaustion I

Fell back with an anguished cry

KNEW that I would die.

Naught there did hold me

A thought occurs suddenly

How big actually

Is this little room?

I think there's light within the gloom

A tiny thought looms

How did I get in?

Did they push me to this bin?

Inside my mind spins

No.

I created it

When I KNEW I couldn't fit

The me they wanted.

Oh it's hard to break

The things we've spent time to make

But it's a mistake

To let them stand strong

Holding us within the throng

I need to belong

As me.

There were things out there:

“We want to see more purple”

She said as I stared.

“Please don't stop talking,

Asking difficult questions

In Bible study.”

“We love when you sing.

You should Cantor more often.

You are a blessing.”

“Keep talking to me

I mean it, it's one of the

Best parts of my day.”

“I so love your hugs.”

“Let's work on the video

While they are sleeping.”

“For Valentine's day?

You planted me sunflowers?

I love love love them!”

“I play it often

And I always think of you”

So Imagine Me

“I have prayed for you

Every time I take a break.”

“I know you'll be ok.”

“So continue to

Work out your salvation through

  Fear and trembling…”

“How many hours?”

“13. You just want me to

Give myself one more.”

“Now you're catching on,

And you know you'll do it too.”

“I hate you.” “I know.”

“I hate when you go.”

“I miss you already too.”

“Driving away sucks.”

“Let me demonstrate.”

The book slammed onto the floor.

“That's how you drop it.”

“You can’t be lost if

You don't care where you’re going.

Cemetery visit?”

“Thirty-eight, so young.

No one should die that early.”

“Yeah? You’re thirty-eight.”

You can't trust your emotions.

Your perception is wrong.

You could never let me down.

You can do it.

I believe in you.

We too know how mental illness feels.

You are stronger than you think.

No Matter What.

You are not alone.
Yes.

The box is bigger than you know? The box is where you can breathe?

No.

Because the box isn't there.

Everything In Your Book May be Wrong.