Welcome

Welcome

“Of course losing you will hurt me, but I welcome that pain,

because it is a testament to my love for you.”

It came to me this fleeting thought

of how i’ve loved and how i’ve lost.

I welcome both the joy and pain,

for at the end of the walk just this remains:

A testament to what’s loved and lived,

tears, and laughter, and fights forgiven.

Each memory a crystal ball

a gift from every single fall,

and in my soul I hold them all.

So i’ll take love e’en though it may flee

and i’ll treasure the pain if that should be.

I’ll lay claim to that love in every tear,

i’ll embrace it and leave behind my fear.

For first comes newness, and smiles and laughter,

no worries about what may come after.

Just glorious revelling in the discovery

of new adventures made so lovely.

I learned my lesson in a verdant grove,

on a night when I gathered treasures untold,

looked at a life in shock, wonder, and awe,

till at last comprehension came for what I saw.

So now, erase love from my world no more,

I come to this place bruised and sore,

but with welcome arms and open door

And should it hurt there is not loss, but gain,

for love be in my life again.

Knowing

Knowing

Today can only be about being.

Anything less would be an unspeakable waste.

Shame

Shame

I see you all the time across the room.

You wear shame like an old ratty coat.

Underneath the coat you dress sharp

trying to disguise yourself to the world.

In the dark do you tell yourself that all is fine,

that this is just the way that you were made?

But yet, forced into the light

of that bright flaming thing that you adore,

you really feel this shame instead.

Perhaps the intense truth of the thing you adore

forces the lie into stark relief.

Or perhaps that bright thing is tarnished itself,

fueling within you

shame that is a lie.

Autumn

Autumn

Because I never write myself soft.

The soft damp hair on my pillow

smells of cinnamon and nutmeg.

There is gently falling snow in my soul,

soft firelight in my mind.

I'm in a Hallmark movie frame of mind.

My long smooth legs languid,

brush flannel sheets.

Creamy mint green silk

flatters my form,

forgiving in all the right places.

I am floating on a perfect balance

of George Winston and Charles Dickens.

My flaming eyes burn low tonight

gentle embers grace a peaceful smile.

The chill has made me warm.

Being Changed

Being Changed

As I woke up I knew

it would never be the same.

That I was truly through

with playing all these games.

Life has been hurting me

for what seems like endless years.

No longer will I permit myself

to suffer full of tears.

In that moment I knew deeply

what freedom really means.

I won’t be in someone's clutches,

i'm chasing all my dreams.

I don't care what anyone thinks

I do what I want now.

I'll live my list of things to do,

it doesn’t matter how.

I'll work no job that I don't like

do nothing that I don't desire.

Even on my quiet days

i'll hold onto this new fire.

I'll keep the friends that respect me

and ditch the ones that don't.

If I don't want to do it

know right now that I won't.

I'm not who I was before

i’ve faced my greatest fears.

I've determined my priorities

through terror, sweat, and tears.

God knows the depth of horror

the wretching price i've paid.

Released, the straps that held me down

now dangle there assuaged.

I've left behind with pleasure

the soaked and twisted sheets.

The convergence site of hated

where misery and iodine meet.

I've died to endless longing

for things far beyond my reach.

From now on I go and get them

exploring every street.

I will love with all my being

live with all my soul.

I will not apologize

for making myself whole.

Antiseptic by the wayside,

it burns my nose no more.

Sun and grass and cinnamon

come wafting in my door.

I don't know what tomorrow brings

but that’s more than okay.

I know what it doesn't bring,

leaving me lush with joy today.