Haven Of The Fireflies

In the Haven Of The Fireflies

In the haven of the fireflies I will leave you
in a moment only seen by my inner eye:
A darkening glade of winding paths
and ancient benches and swaying trees.
The touch of God in a star lit sky
swirling down all around me,
drawing gasps of beauty from my lips,
incomprehensible amazement
at a creation so simply perfect
I cannot even think to sit
but only spin trying to see it all
not wanting to miss a detail
of the universe
you planted in my mind.
In the haven of the fireflies I will leave you.
This gift I give you,
see me turning in wide eyed wonder
at a world of magic at my fingertips.
I stopped and let you look back at me.
I wanted you to see me there.
I wanted to freeze you there,
capture all the wonder that lives in you
and let it saturate me.
When you can’t find it any longer
remember
somewhere in me lies the haven of the fireflies too.
4-4-17

Photo credit: Ryan Atkins/Flickr

For you

For You

Who have walked beside me

Who have have pushed away my fears

Who have filled my life

with every kind of fun

Who uses his camera and friendship freely

To wipe away both tears and years

And hand me even sun.

Ravishingrebel

For Eric

On his 40th

The Sting of Truth

The Sting of Truth

“Well you've been doing a pretty good job forgetting your name is mom without any help.” - my child

the lightning bolt split my heart

leaving ragged tatters on either side

CRACK

nothing can undo my self loathing

my horrific confirmed certainty

ROAR
that i am a mom

no longer

The Breath Before the Silence

The Breath Before the Silence

It’s just two now

alone in the quiet room

where no one will disturb your words.

Your silences.

You needed this time to come.

Hoped for it.

Waited for it.

Dreaded it.

Dim lights and a soft couch.

Nighttimes gentle soothing touch

for words to powerful too say in the day.

Things that must be said.

That cannot wait for another such night

that will never come in time.

You want to start with something else,

something easier,

but time has already run out

and still neither of you can begin it.

Then both at once the words fall with the tears

and the fears and the hopes and the dreams

and the years and everything in between.

and tomorrow

Tomorrow is wrapped in yesterday like a shroud.

It is sorrow enfolded in thick black lace.

Today is the breath after the scream,

and the breath before the silence.

In the breath the words must be spoken.

It is surreal to arrive here.

You hear so acutely trying to save the sound in your head forever,

taste tears you never wanted,

hold tight to a hand and think that if you just never let go

then maybe?

If only you could hold tight to a soul like you do a hand

this night would be unnecessary.

What passes between you spans a lifetime of friendship

and something deeper and nameless.

Something that knows agony in all forms.

Spent,

still trying to put into words things long silences

defined hours, or years, ago,

a bird begins its song and every bit of pain the universe has to hold

rushes in to snatch the dark screen away,

driving harsh light into shredded souls

that knew this day would come.