I Sort Of Found It

I Sort Of Found It

Monday, January 11, 2016

Walked around and talked around.

What does winning mean for you?

Back and forth with you.

Say it out loud,

Say it again.

Can you hear it?

Because I do.

Why is your perception so skewed?

Because that's all I can hear.

So what does winning mean to you?

I can't see anything in front of me.

All I see extraneous garbage.

I don't know how to win.

I don't know if I can.

Everyone thinks I'm failing.

That makes me feel defensive and hurt.

Why do you think everyone thinks you're failing?

Because no one tells me otherwise. Because no one ever tells me I'm succeeding.

What does winning mean for you?

I'm no longer sure I need to win.

What does success mean to me?

That's a better question.

Okay.

What does success look like to you?

I need recognition.

I need someone to tell me I've done something right.

That I've improved in some way.

That they notice the effort, in whatever way, even if it's small.

I told you how i think people perceive only the surface of your fight.

Yes, you did.

But not everyone around me should be limited to that perception.

And anyway, the strength of the current should be able to spill over onto the surface right?

There are positive changes that are very visual.

It may be a while before people trust in your changes.

I get that even if I hate it.

Even if I've been working at that for 8 months already.

Even if I'm appalled that it isn't evident by now that some things have seriously and consistently changed.

But my point is: encouragement is everything.

But if your whole perception is skewed already, how will that help?

Maybe i just need confidence in myself.

It's hard to convince others when I'm not convinced.

It's hard for me to be convinced when others are not.

Do you think you can change your own point of view? Do you believe me  when I say you should?

I feel like you're wrong, even though I think I know you're right. But that is shaky ground.

How can you make it stronger?

I keep coming here. Keep making better choices. Keep digging deeper into my understanding of your teaching.

Is that good enough for you?

There's only one way to find out.

Can you meet again next week?

Can you let me in?

Yes. I can always let you in.