Genesis 2:7

Genesis 2:7

Just one more breath.

Just one more.

We'll talk about the next one after that.

There was breath when they said yes for me.

Wet, annoyed, blessed breath.

There was breath as I spoke your prayer out loud.

Pretty, rustling skirt and patent leather shoes breath.

There was breath in that moment of commitment.
Bored, barely interested,

uncomprehending breath.

There was breath in the room with yes. 
Happy, relived, i promise breath.

There was breath under the sun on the grass.

Goodbye and begin breath.

There was breath in the church when I said yes with and for them.

Wet, uncertain, blessed breath.

There was breath in the heat upon that cliff.

Hurt, tormented, frustrated, confused

rapid breath.

There was breath in the room the first time I heard those words.

Alone, fearful, relieved, terrified, hopeless, hopeful, uncomprehending breath.

There was breath in my perch in the sun,

miserable, lonely, desolate, disconnected breath.

There was breath in the woods, on my trail.

Heavy, sweaty, thirsty, euphoric breath.

There was breath in the water,

naked, cool, exciting, relaxing, rebellious breath.

There was breath at the wedding.

Happy, dancing, joyful, belonging breath.

There was breath as we said goodbye.

Sobbing, surprised, heartbreaking catch in your throat breath.

There was breath in the sanctuary when I came to beg you to let me back in.

Desperate, pleading, questioning, needy breath.

There was breath when I let you go.

Or there felt like there wasn't, grief so strong, soul shattered breath.

There was breath when I was held.

Gasping, begging, grasping, completely broken, healing breath.

There was breath in the music,

Every time.

Leading, needing, desiring, freeing breath.

There was breath in small spaces in my mind.

Frustrated, wild, reckless, rebellious

testing breath.

There was breath in the loss of privacy,

Shattered trust, anger, repentance,

attempted repairing breath.

There was breath in the violation.

Painful, devastating, submissive,

fear laden, betrayed, hate laced breath.

There was breath in the reconciliation.

Shaky, unsure, untested, careful,

unproven, angry but trying breath.

There is breath on this road.

Lost, hurt, sorrowful, furious, unmapped, waiting, praying breath.

There is breath in me.

Hurting, hopeful, frightened, hiding,

social, separated, walled off, walled in,

self protecting, deliberately coping breath.

There is breath in You.

Breath in me.

Sustaining, faithful, enduring, forgiving, certain breath.

Just one more breath.

You can do it,

Just take one more.

We'll talk about the next one after that.

The Spikes and the Wheel

The Spikes and the Wheel

Fear and uncertainty.

Afraid of being trapped.

Relentless questions

on a search for something greater.

One question leads to another

bringing to light hurt and pain

rebellion and sorrow.

Also redemption and love,

understanding and conviction.

Need to share,

to include,

to bring the light of understanding.

They come to you

uncertain what you have,

and fearing it.

Uncertain of your impact they cage you.

Fling questions at you with

wrath and disbelief

and no conviction.

Desperate to stifle your words,

to exclude,

to keep you in the dark.

But you can't be contained.

Now you fear and trust,

put yourself in Those hands,

into a certainty you fear.

Feel the jagged metal plunder skin and bone.

And wonder what they'll say about you when you're gone.

January Lament

January Lament

Spring is right around the corner

The flowers are sleeping in my dormer

But Ice and frost

Have deemed them lost

And I am in my freezing corner.

Barbed

Barbed

I wanted it to be me.

Began with satire of truth

but soon became ruthless.

Created my own torture chamber.

There are four lights.

I built symmetry into chaos,

used words and music as weapons.

Double edged swords

Ripping into raw flesh.

Demanding.

There are four lights.

Left perfectly placed grenades

with clear powerful messages

each imprinted to explode

onto one person alone.

There are four lights.

Painted an explanation,

minus the excuse,

Commanding an apology.

Not Mine.

There are four lights.

Unleashed my anger

amidst hope, support,

understanding, and pride.

A different message,

for a different recipient.

There are four lights.

Poured value and importance,

determination, love,

dependability, and acceptance

like ocean water cooling

the volcano's firey core.

There are still four lights.

I said what I wanted to say,

answered everyone's questions

in 11 minutes,

and made my standing Crystal clear.

There are four lights.

I twisted visual media,

music with its own lyrics,

and written word,

fascinating myself by setting things straight in 11 minutes.

There ARE four lights.

But they blur together through tears.

When it touched you,

were there barbs, or flowers,

or was it just not there at all.

Heavy Haiku

Heavy Haiku

I have never been

As angry as I am now

Trust has been defiled.

Furious is me

Surprised and hurt to the core

Fickle forgiveness

What you did was wrong

I did not deserve that pain

Don't deserve it now.

Begin again? No.

Move on from this horrid place

I guess we can try.

Poignant is the loss

Reconciliation is

Only a whisper

Find me in this place

I'm alone and terrified

Certainty is lost.

Is there still something

That can be salvaged out of

Broken bleeding souls?

Quantum Entanglement

Quantum Entanglement

For Keith Nale who described his love for his wife Dana as a quantum entanglement, the most beautiful thing I've ever heard anyone say. And for Leonard who's mine.

So here we are,

one person since 1999,

no, since 1993.

But even before that

we were particles drifting closer and closer, slowly being drawn to the same places,

sometimes at different times

sometimes the same time, a few breaths away.

Same dentist, eye doctor,

same first concert, second concert,

music you loved being born at my

Jr.High.

Dancing closer and closer and closer to each other,

my heart heard yours calling from

all ends of the world.

Before I even knew you

every atom of me was waiting for you.

flitting from one person to the next

finding no satisfaction.

tasting desire,

tasting not quite love.

Till we shared the orchestra room,

two completely different people.

But from that moment,

my head rebelled,

resisting the particle of you,

feasting on hopeless conquest.

Never understanding that winning was not resisting, but accepting.

But the pull was too strong

and eventually I succumbed to

the desire, the peace, the certainty.

Finding love in stages like a

tapestry, bound together in colors

unimaginable by themselves

exquisite as a whole.

Then that kiss, you remember it,

heat exploded like a supernova

and melted the tapestry threads together. Forever.

No possibility of unraveling them.

Quantum entanglement.

only complete and utter destruction could ever try to separate them.

You could rip that tapestry to shreds,

but still those threads would not separate from each other.

Melted, torn, broken, cut, ripped,

still entangled.

Every assault on that beautiful piece of work is a torment of anguish and unspeakable agony.

What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.

Quantum entanglement.

Speechless

Speechless

Who ever told you you weren't beautiful?

Keep that one.

Keep it

All to yourself.

Flabbergasted.

Speechless.

Stopped in your tracks.

Unexpected.

Unsolicited.

In no way demanded,

Requested,

Implied,

Required.

Not old and worn,

Not obligated,

Overused,

Undervalued,

Uncertain,

Or hard earned.

Not righteously obtained.

Free

Honest

In no way at all

Flattery,

Or overrated.

Who ever told you you weren't beautiful?

Everyone and no one.