Focus Luke 18:22

Focus

Luke 18:22

Above me I see you

Stretching out your arms

Sobbing your welcome out

To me?

The look on your face

Of agony and suplication

And certainty

Of me?

You knew I'd come

Waited for me to break

Come to you in pieces

Expected me?

You saw my sin

Threw it on your shoulders

Bore all the weight of it

For me?

You watched me walk away

Throw your gift off

And insult you to your face

Was that me?

Yet you hung there

Waiting, watching, praying, loving,

Specifically for me

Just me?

They took you down 

And cried your name 

And when they placed the blame I thought

It's me.

Away you stayed

Yet always there

And grief poured forth

From me.

Till one day

You lifted my eyes

Looked into my face and breathed new life

Into me.

Go you said

Be in sorrow no more

For I have set you free.

Come you said

Release the dead

Walk in my steps

Follow me.

Take Me Back

Take Me Back
For Andy who literaly let me in.

Oh i came before You broken
resistant and in pain,
with torn soul and deceived heart
and aching racing brain.

i lay before You screaming
uncertain and distressed
then threw myself against the wall
desperate and repressed.

Flying, falling, racing down,
toward water black as night:
i found myself upon your beach
filled full of awe and fright.

I took that moment, held it close,
used it to sustain
the hardest and the longest years,
but all of that in vain.

For came the days, I know not how,
the darkness crept right in,
enchanted by its beguiling voice
it swept me into sin.

AGAIN i came before You
broken and afraid
my every atom screaming
to reach out and be saved.

i threw myself upon Your feet
and tried to find Your light,
i cried your name and begged release
desperate to concede the fight.

But my heart heard You loud and clear
demanding i Let Go,
to let your Son take on my burden,
to humbly Let It Go.

I hear you and I give it up
into Your loving arms
to take my rest, let go the load
give up on my own harm.

But AGAIN i come before you
in raw uncertain fear
will i just pick it up again
to try to hold it near?

My soul screams out to let it go
my heart cries spears of pain
my mind can only take so much
before unbridled chaos reigns.

You tell me now to leave it
not pick it up again
to leave it lying in His arms
to try and make amends.

I know this is my moment
to turn and walk away
to walk toward His loving hope
and trust his faithful ways.

To leave this burden lying there
and never pick it up,
leave it to the One who for ME
took up the deadly cup.

And as I turn i must look back
i must be truly sure
that He will carry for me
both my sin and her.

I hear no whisper, see no sign,
can do nought but believe,
that He can wash my sins away
and leave me clean and free.

AGAIN i will come before you
on likely endless roads
to ask myself if You really can
shoulder yet one more load.

i'll lay my head upon Your feet,
i'm getting comfortable there
make you no false promises
but just be laissez faire.

In darkest hour and wildest ride
ill pray to hold you close
remember all Your promises
of which love is the most.

i'll come in shame, i know i will,
in brokenness and fear
resistant, hurt, in writhing pain,
and desperate to be near.

AGAIN ill curl up on your feet
with sobs my body wracked
AGAIN ill feel your arms enfold me
and know you TAKE ME BACK.

Earth's breath

Earth's breath

I need this like i need to breathe, to love, to scream, to cry. Total and complete my need for land for sea and sky.
When perchance a blackbird pass my way, or heron catch my eye,
my constitution is refreshed in body soul and mind.
And when one day my labors end and life has laid me by,
I'll drift away o'er fields of gold to water touching sky.

A Rhyme at a Time

A Rhyme at a Time

For Simeon, who showed me the fodder mountain.

I was thinking of stuff

and it might be tough

to understand why we get low,

but it occurred to me in my mind you see, there's other places our thoughts could go.

For instance:

Witches have

glitches and itches,

low pitches,

and stitches in their long black dresses,

black tresses, and so many stresses.

Could they hide in recesses do you think?

Have you ever climbed a fodder mountain?

And at the top you found a water fountain?

I want to trudge up that huge pile of hay for a cool drink to think

while i slurp and burp

and swallow to fill the hollow

of my tummy.

Do you know why I like hippopotomae?

They are sly and spry and a little shy.

Do you think when they lie their feet point to the sky, high and dry?

Nope. They are wet I bet.

Do they get filled with regret that they don't live somewhere more temperate?

A long time ago I knew a midget

who liked to fidget with his widget.

He had a bird named Pidget

and a dog named Gidget who one day bit his digit.

One day I ran with a young man

who had a tan

and a funny plan

to make up a rhyme

all the time.

It was sublime when I found mine

written on a dime.

It said:

In God we must trust

and not have a fuss

when everything's just a little bit mussed.

Plus:

A little boy brought me joy

when the world had begun to annoy me.

He brought a smile to my day

and in a simple way

made me want to stay and obey.

So you see we are free

to be you and me

in a sillier version I think.

Just give some thought to the stories i've wrought,

and give your brain something else to think.

Food

Food

I don't want it.

Every bite makes me feel guilty.

Failure to resist,

to control

to succeed

to be freed

from this weight.

I don't want it.

Every rest makes me feel guilty.

Failure to move

to burn

to choose

to lose

these calories.

I don't want it.

Every pleasure makes me feel guilty.

Failure to punish

to penalize

to discipline

my gluttonous sin.

I want this.

A beautiful body to hide the ugly me.

Triumph of slim shape

demanding desire,

did I mention

attention?

Always hungry.

Never hungry.

Truth

Truth

Sometimes you're just alone.

And you know it.

No one wants to talk about it.

No one wants to hear it.

Get a grip they think,

why aren't you better?

How come you're still whining?

How long does it take to get over yourself?

And they're tired of you.

And you know it.

And they don't know how to help you anyway.

And you don't know how they could either

because you don't even know what you want

from them.

And you're reaching and reaching

and touching nothing,

growing more and more disoriented.

All your desperation falls on deaf ears

or distracted ears,

consumed, oblivious, tired,

or unable to care for even themselves

ears.

And even knowing it'll be better soon

does not diminish the need

for contact now.

And all you feel is needy

and you hate that.

That feeling is deadly when all you want is to be self reliant.

When all you want is to have control.

It's a different form of dementia:

forgetting how to handle emotions,

how to use them appropriately.

It's a different kind of world

inside your head.

It's the loneliest place you've ever been.

And if you could say it out loud

It wouldn't be so lonely.

But no one hears you,

they don't think they need to,

And you know you are alone.

Fear

Fear

It was fleeting, but sharp.

The fear.

And it shattered me, for a moment.

And I cried.

Unable to balance what I know

with what I hope,

I crumpled into my lovers arms

so afraid.

But his words washed over me,

reassured me,

gave me balance once again.

And in one deep breath

the sun came out

and shone right down into that dark cool room,

and dried my tears,

and slowed my heart.

I pushed that fear away

and sought a brighter place

and found that I could smile again.

The fear that once might have kept me safe

now tries to tie me down to what I know.

But I have seen the light,

felt the warmth on my face,

started to grow.

Back to the fear

is somewhere I will not go.